Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize