Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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