I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize