she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize