You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
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she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
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My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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