When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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