oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
