I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I am midnight drunk by noon
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
