so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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