Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize