i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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