You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
