I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
