you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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