and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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