Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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