I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
