if you like me you must not know who I am
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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