the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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