I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
