These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
