I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
