she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
