Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
