Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
