If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
