I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
