Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
