Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
