burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
