my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
My vagina is officially offended.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
