I wish I only lived at night.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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