somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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