after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
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Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
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coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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