Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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