It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
