I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
