please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
