Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I want her autograph on my taint
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
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