is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
