We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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