About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
