i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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