stop calling my apartment porn island.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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