Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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