I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
