This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
