Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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