What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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