I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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