So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
