i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
