wanna go halves on a baby?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I intend to get homeless drunk
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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