i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
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