I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I have aggressive nipples.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
