Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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