Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
