He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
