I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i came on her dog
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
