The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
