see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
