checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
