ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
