Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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