some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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