You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
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she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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