I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
